"Do you want to sleep here tonight?" In the Soldier's bed, not just in the room. It was something they did every now and then, still defining the boundaries of touch and what they both wanted. "You can borrow clothes."
He studies Soldier face a moment make sure he's really all right with it before nodding his head. "Yes please."
Then his express twists and seemingly out of no where he asks- "...is our age difference creepy?" There's a certain pout on his face which says he certainly doesn't think so, so the idea must have come from somewhere else.
He really was fine with it. It wouldn't be the first time they shared a bed. "Shoes off. Do you want to get changed?" The Soldier himself wore simple clothes for sleeping, soft fabrics, but had also slept often enough in combat gear that he didn't mind; he just wanted Billy to be comfortable.
He didn't plan on rushing Billy to get up though, not before he was ready. "I suppose to some it might be if you consider I'm technically over a hundred. But physically I'm a lot closer to your age that I don't think it's an insurmountable gap. Why?" Why the pout, Billy?
The shoes he can at least take care of without really moving, toing them off and over the edge of the bed with a soft breath of laughter. "Mmm, yeah. I should." He doesn't move just yet though.
"That's what I think," Billy says, glad he's not alone in that. "...it's something Tommy said. Not about us, exactly. But he was freaking out over maybe liking someone who was nineteen like it was really messed up, and I-" Well if that's wrong, then obviously people might have their own thoughts about this.
Eventually the Soldier would try stronger hints, if he thought Billy needed them. The shoes were the biggest deal, because he didn't want Billy's feet to hurt in the morning. "You should." He'd leave it at that.
"I'm sure mental maturity comes into it," he mused after a moment of consideration. "Physical age doesn't always match that. But I don't think we're so different that we can't at lest try, the way we are trying." Granted their relationship such as it was, was probably strangely shaped to anyone in the outside looking in. But so far it seemed to work.
The scrunch of Billy's brows lessens, and he gives a nod of agreement and a quick kiss to Soldier's jaw before forcing himself to sit up. If he doesn't change now he's not sure he'll be able to drag himself away.
"I think so too. I just- ...Tommy doesn't seem to walk to talk about us....not in any kind of romantic context at least. I figured it was 'cause of Teddy and everything, but...maybe he thinks we're being creepy." Which shouldn't matter. Doesn't matter...But doesn't feel good.
He shifts free of the bed to distract himself, stripping off his shirt and going to search through Soldier's for his favourite (yes, he all ready has a favourite), careful not too make too much of a mess of things.
Billy would thank him later, when he was more comfortable. And he should have a relatively easy time of finding what he wanted, considering that the Soldier didn't keep many clothes. The drawers in the space were sparsely filled but the clothes were folded neatly, Billy's favorites near the front.
"You know I'm not good at this," he warned. "Maybe it's my age, but maybe it's the idea of you being involved with anyone." While Billy changed, the Soldier sat up a little, rearranging the piloted for support and pulling down the blanket so Billy could slide right under the covers. "He could be uncomfortable because he equates the idea of a relationship with having a heavy physical or sexual element, and he doesn't like to think of his brother having sex. Possibly also combined with the fact that he asked me to train him, and is uncomfortable about the idea of his trainer having sex."
Never mind the fact that they didn't actually engage in sexual acts.
He worried the fabric between his fingers briefly, much like he with Soldier's hair, slipping the shirt and then the same with his pants.
"I think you're better than you think," Billy countered easily, retrieving his shoes, he put them and his clothes more neatly away, though not quite so neat as Soldier. His cheeks went a bit red, and he bit on his lip to keep his thoughts from straying too far into that image.
"I feel that way about my younger brothers," Not so much Tommy. Maybe because they hadn't grown up together, or maybe just because they were both adults. But he could understand how it might feel uncomfortable. "Um- speaking of...sort of. What- what should I call you?" he asked, climbing back into bed. "With other people," he elaborated, "In relationship terms. You know...if it comes up?" Very casual. Very cool.
"You might be a little biased." But the Soldier pulled less on his own experience and more on observation of others, and ultimately everything was a guess. He could be way off the mark as far as Tommy was concerned.
He welcomed Billy back into the bed by holding the blankets up, and allowing Billy to fit right against his side again. The pillows were at a good angle for reclining together and talking. Hopefully it would help Billy relax.
"I hadn't considered a label," he answered truthfully once Billy had settled in. "It never seemed important to me because I know how we are and you know how we are and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks because it's not their business. It's there a term you'd like to use?" Was vocabulary part of Billy's distress?
"I hadn't really either," Billy admitted, "Not until I was talking with Tommy and he kept calling you my mentor." He laughed and looked up at Soldier fondly. Mentor wasn't entirely wrong, but it was definitely more than that. And less creepy.
"Mm- normally I'd just say boyfriend, but- it feels a little weird? Maybe? Or...I don't know, I want to say it's too juvenile for you, but that feels wrong too."
"Mentor is accurate. But only for a piece of things." It would have been more accurate in the very start of their association maybe, when the Soldier did little more than train Billy. But they had grown beyond its simple confines.
"You can use boyfriend if you want to." Probably not a word the Soldier would use himself, but he didn't mind if Billy used it. "Or partner. Or companion. Or, I don't know, paramour or one of those other uncommon words."
There had definitely been a time it was the most accurate term. But it had grown from there, and even if they weren't having sex, Billy didn't love the assumption that they were to have that association make it seem like some kind of power imbalance.
Billy considered, lips quirking in amusement at 'paramour'. "...I kind of like partner. Feels like we're a team." Which they are.
"Are we not?" The way they were a team had changed, of course, but at the heart of it was still the respect and care with which they had treated each other from the beginning. The Soldier still vividly remembered the sheer relief in Billy's face when he had acknowledged that Billy's powers were the direct cause of that weird warping of reality, instead of pushing it under the platitude of not meaning it. Maybe some would consider it cruel but the Soldier had recognized that Billy needed the plain truth in that moment.
"Maybe it's easier for me," he admitted, stroking lightly along Billy's side. "I don't need the labels. I could argue that most of my time here has been spent trying to shake off the labels others would give me. But if having a label, even if it's private to the two of us, would help settle your mind, we should choose one."
He laughed softly and nodded his head with a smile. "Best team," he agreed, grateful for all those dark times Soldier's helped him through, and sad for the times he's helped Soldier. They held each other up when things got bad.
"Heh," Billy was well aware of Soldier's dislike of labels. Even 'Soldier' was a label, and one Billy still felt distantly weird about. It had become a name by now in his mind, but occasionally he mourned for Soldier not having something kinder to be called.
"I think it would help," he agreed, "I didn't need it before now, I might not need it again, but having one if I do would help."
"I am happy to be a team with you." Not just in the sense of their relatively new relationship, but in the trust and respect they had for each other. The Soldier had not gone easy on Billy, especially when Billy asked for training, and he would not have blamed the young man for walking away. But he had stuck through it, and stuck through the Soldier's own difficult attitude.
He made a thoughtful noise, then turned to brush his lips across Billy's hair. "Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and relax. Imagine that we're not in some alien spaceport trying to find supplies to repair a ship, but instead we're somewhere, anywhere else. Together. What word would you use?"
The gesture made Billy smile, and he closed his eyes as instructed, taking a slow breath and trying to picture them somewhere else. Somewhere safe. Mostlyy. With a little bit of adventure now and then. He imagined Soldier a little looser, more free.
"...Partners," he said, more sure now than before. It felt right for them.
"Then that's what we are." Simple as that, no overly complicated reasoning needed. Perhaps Billy's frustration would settle some with the definition and allow him to relax even more. "Does that feel better?"
"Can I open my eyes again?" he asked, all ready peeking with one eye before he got an answer to turn and press a grateful kiss to Soldier's cheek. "It feels better. I feel better. You always make me feel better."
"Maybe," he replied, letting Billy steal the kiss against his cheek, adjusting the arm draped around the other man's waist to pull him closer. "Was that the only thing bothering you?"
Snuggling in close, Billy hesitated momentarily before answering honestly, "Just- Tommy things. Nothing serious. He's just...frustrating some times? Like he wants something from me, but no matter what I say it's not right? And he wanted me to take a memory from him with my magic..." Which was a line Billy wasn't prepared to cross, and it clearly touched a nerve.
"Do you think he's self defeating? Determined not to be happy because he won't or can't conceive of it?" In a way it could be a survival mechanism for being stranded on a planet not their own by aliens who possibly weren't truthful about their circumstances. But it could also be Tommy's own stubbornness; the Soldier didn't know him well enough to say.
His arm tightened protectively when Billy mentioned his brother's request, and the Soldier shifted subtly, but enough that should something come bursting into the room with the same request, the knife he had hidden at the head of the bed would be through the person's throat in a matter of seconds. "You said no of course." He felt relief that Billy shared his opinion of the request. "Is he the sort who would ask again?"
"Oh definitely. Which I get. Or...I try to get. But it's impossible to help him when he gets like that, and then we just...argue and I feel like a jerk." Both were probably true, honestly, Tommy's past and this place combined to make him extra stubborn and extra self defeating.
Billy's gaze shifted softly to Soldier's eyes to reassure him, lifting his fingers to pet lightly over his jaw. "I said I don't do that, and never to ask me again. I don't think he will. Tommy doesn't ask for my magic usually. I don't even know if he was serious, but-"
"Would it work to just shut down the conversation when he starts to argue?" Maybe if Tommy realized that Billy didn't want to argue, he'd stop some of the behavior. Or it could have the opposite effect and he'd lean more into the idea that he could never be happy because even his brother wouldn't talk to him. It was a tough situation to navigate.
He leaned into that soft touch, closing his eyes just for a moment to focus on Billy's fingers. "But you shut it down before it could get to the point of a real suggestion. I'm proud of you."
"Maybe...but it feels like we don't talk and then when we do there's so much that's been left unsaid and-" It was weird. Suddenly having family appear in your life. Half the time they were as close as possible, and the other half like old friends you see updates on Facebook about. "...it's probably just normal brother stuff. I don't know. My little brothers and I didn't fight like this, but they're younger. They just got on my nerves. Did you-?" Billy started and abruptly cut off the question as to whether Soldier had siblings at one point.
He stroked soothingly, and smiled, just watching Soldier's face for a moment, before carefully tucking his hair back behind an ear. "Thank you. I'm...proud of me to," he admitted with a laugh.
"I don't know," he answered Billy quietly. "I have almost no memories of my early life, and very few before I was drafted." Billy could probably extrapolate that the few memories he'd regained weren't the most pleasant; his time with HYDRA still dominated over them all.
Eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the touch for a moment when Billy brushed his hair back. He'd had it trimmed back, still on the long side but cleaner than years on the planet with little in the way of grooming services. "I'm glad."
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Then his express twists and seemingly out of no where he asks- "...is our age difference creepy?" There's a certain pout on his face which says he certainly doesn't think so, so the idea must have come from somewhere else.
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He didn't plan on rushing Billy to get up though, not before he was ready. "I suppose to some it might be if you consider I'm technically over a hundred. But physically I'm a lot closer to your age that I don't think it's an insurmountable gap. Why?" Why the pout, Billy?
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"That's what I think," Billy says, glad he's not alone in that. "...it's something Tommy said. Not about us, exactly. But he was freaking out over maybe liking someone who was nineteen like it was really messed up, and I-" Well if that's wrong, then obviously people might have their own thoughts about this.
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"I'm sure mental maturity comes into it," he mused after a moment of consideration. "Physical age doesn't always match that. But I don't think we're so different that we can't at lest try, the way we are trying." Granted their relationship such as it was, was probably strangely shaped to anyone in the outside looking in. But so far it seemed to work.
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"I think so too. I just- ...Tommy doesn't seem to walk to talk about us....not in any kind of romantic context at least. I figured it was 'cause of Teddy and everything, but...maybe he thinks we're being creepy." Which shouldn't matter. Doesn't matter...But doesn't feel good.
He shifts free of the bed to distract himself, stripping off his shirt and going to search through Soldier's for his favourite (yes, he all ready has a favourite), careful not too make too much of a mess of things.
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"You know I'm not good at this," he warned. "Maybe it's my age, but maybe it's the idea of you being involved with anyone." While Billy changed, the Soldier sat up a little, rearranging the piloted for support and pulling down the blanket so Billy could slide right under the covers. "He could be uncomfortable because he equates the idea of a relationship with having a heavy physical or sexual element, and he doesn't like to think of his brother having sex. Possibly also combined with the fact that he asked me to train him, and is uncomfortable about the idea of his trainer having sex."
Never mind the fact that they didn't actually engage in sexual acts.
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"I think you're better than you think," Billy countered easily, retrieving his shoes, he put them and his clothes more neatly away, though not quite so neat as Soldier. His cheeks went a bit red, and he bit on his lip to keep his thoughts from straying too far into that image.
"I feel that way about my younger brothers," Not so much Tommy. Maybe because they hadn't grown up together, or maybe just because they were both adults. But he could understand how it might feel uncomfortable. "Um- speaking of...sort of. What- what should I call you?" he asked, climbing back into bed. "With other people," he elaborated, "In relationship terms. You know...if it comes up?" Very casual. Very cool.
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He welcomed Billy back into the bed by holding the blankets up, and allowing Billy to fit right against his side again. The pillows were at a good angle for reclining together and talking. Hopefully it would help Billy relax.
"I hadn't considered a label," he answered truthfully once Billy had settled in. "It never seemed important to me because I know how we are and you know how we are and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks because it's not their business. It's there a term you'd like to use?" Was vocabulary part of Billy's distress?
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"Mm- normally I'd just say boyfriend, but- it feels a little weird? Maybe? Or...I don't know, I want to say it's too juvenile for you, but that feels wrong too."
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"You can use boyfriend if you want to." Probably not a word the Soldier would use himself, but he didn't mind if Billy used it. "Or partner. Or companion. Or, I don't know, paramour or one of those other uncommon words."
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Billy considered, lips quirking in amusement at 'paramour'. "...I kind of like partner. Feels like we're a team." Which they are.
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"Maybe it's easier for me," he admitted, stroking lightly along Billy's side. "I don't need the labels. I could argue that most of my time here has been spent trying to shake off the labels others would give me. But if having a label, even if it's private to the two of us, would help settle your mind, we should choose one."
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"Heh," Billy was well aware of Soldier's dislike of labels. Even 'Soldier' was a label, and one Billy still felt distantly weird about. It had become a name by now in his mind, but occasionally he mourned for Soldier not having something kinder to be called.
"I think it would help," he agreed, "I didn't need it before now, I might not need it again, but having one if I do would help."
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He made a thoughtful noise, then turned to brush his lips across Billy's hair. "Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and relax. Imagine that we're not in some alien spaceport trying to find supplies to repair a ship, but instead we're somewhere, anywhere else. Together. What word would you use?"
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"...Partners," he said, more sure now than before. It felt right for them.
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His arm tightened protectively when Billy mentioned his brother's request, and the Soldier shifted subtly, but enough that should something come bursting into the room with the same request, the knife he had hidden at the head of the bed would be through the person's throat in a matter of seconds. "You said no of course." He felt relief that Billy shared his opinion of the request. "Is he the sort who would ask again?"
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Billy's gaze shifted softly to Soldier's eyes to reassure him, lifting his fingers to pet lightly over his jaw. "I said I don't do that, and never to ask me again. I don't think he will. Tommy doesn't ask for my magic usually. I don't even know if he was serious, but-"
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He leaned into that soft touch, closing his eyes just for a moment to focus on Billy's fingers. "But you shut it down before it could get to the point of a real suggestion. I'm proud of you."
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He stroked soothingly, and smiled, just watching Soldier's face for a moment, before carefully tucking his hair back behind an ear. "Thank you. I'm...proud of me to," he admitted with a laugh.
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Eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the touch for a moment when Billy brushed his hair back. He'd had it trimmed back, still on the long side but cleaner than years on the planet with little in the way of grooming services. "I'm glad."
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